|No veggies? No problem.|
meatatarian: a person who, for a variety of reasons, eats mostly meat and very few vegetables. This dietary ‘lifestyle’ may be due to allergies or could be attributed to a sincere distaste for most vegetables.
My ordering process at restaurants drives my husband insane but I fail to understand why my palate restricts his meal experience. I challenge you to find a restaurant in existence in which I couldn’t suss out at least one thing to eat – plain is always an option – therefore, my food preferences should in no way affect his options. I profess that I am not a picky eater; I know what I want and I eat a lot of it. Steak, bacon, burgers, chops, wings – bring all the smokey, spiced and sauced goodness to me on a silver platter and I shall demolish it in one fell swoop.
So, to my fellow meatatarians, here are some survival tips for navigating through an increasingly veggo-filled world:
- Do not be ashamed of your choices – God made you this way and no one can argue with that.
- Keep a close eye out for veggies that are added but not disclosed – i.e. the bacon and cheese hot dog in a pretzel bun at Sonic does not make buyers aware of onions in the mix but they are sure ’nuff on the dog.
- When the day arrives that you’re tired of defending your choices (and it will come, no fail), claim to be allergic to specific vegetables. This strategy will immediately stop whatever heckling you’re receiving. I have used this at Taco Bell in order to stop the staff from ignoring my requests about a lettuce-less burrito.
- Pose the question, “If I were a vegetarian would you be giving me this much guff?”
- Refer to one of any number of Ron Swanson classics – here, here and here.
- Bonus info: if you order fajitas and ask for no onions or peppers, they will often double the amount of meat you’re getting so the portion sizes are equal. Huzzah!
I imagine, in the distant future, there will be a support group for folks like myself who, despite society’s need to interrogate and force change upon our dietary
choices needs, have chosen to eat mostly animal products mixed in with a few whole grains and some fruit.
Stand strong, fellow meatatarians, and let protein drive the force.
Until next time,
~ Buzzard ~