10 years. 3,650 days. A whole damn decade of marriage.
When we got married on that cold, snowy day in January ’11, I wasn’t thinking about what our lives would look like 10 years into the future. I was thinking about how to keep my groom from seeing me before walking down the aisle, if we’d have enough time for all the pictures I wanted and if there would be enough food/drinks at the reception – minuscule things that really didn’t matter in the big picture (except the food/drinks, those were v. important).
Today, I look back and realize, “Wow, we were babies and we knew nothing about what we were getting into.” Marriage is hard and scary, it’s not for the faint of heart. Leading up to the big day, we hear all sorts of great things about marriage. The companionship, the deep love, building a family, sharing laughs and memories together – those things are awesome. But no one tells you that frustrating things that will happen over the course of the marriage – the raw, vulnerable moments when it would be easier to just give up rather than fight for the future. The dark valleys aren’t as numerous as the mountain-highs but they still happen occasionally, and if you aren’t willing to fight for each other, no one will do it for you.
10 years we have been married. We have laughed and loved and cried and grown and fought and stretched and LIVED. Boy, have we lived.
We have built a family, a home and a business over these years and maintained our sanity and our marriage through it all. Through sale barn cows, blizzards, a winter baby, post-partum anxiety, growing pains, heartache and loss we have stayed true and loyal to our marriage and each other. I am perhaps most proud of the loyalty we have to each other and our family. There are three people on team Frobose/Buzzard, but there’s only two starters and we don’t send in the subs.
We have traveled the world together. From Australia to South Africa to Alaska to Fiji to Belize to Mexico to Alaska to a ton of European countries and a handful more amazing trips. We have grown in our world views and appreciation of other cultures, governments and backgrounds. We have seen realities of the world that can’t be viewed from a computer or a history book. We have scuba’d with sharks, climbed glaciers, hiked through the Outback, strolled through the Colosseum, snorkeled with turtles, traversed the Scottish highlands, dined in fine restaurants in Paris and London, gazed at Mayan ruins and so, so much more. The world is a gigantic place for us to explore – one of my favorite things to do together.
We have had so much fun – an immeasurable amount of fun. There are few things I love more than a road trip with my husband, just the two of us. We talk and think and listen to podcasts and laugh and take our time and it’s just the absolute best. I love just spending time with him, even if we are just on the couch watching TV or working on our computers at the same time – the assurance that we are right there beside each other is comforting for my body and soul. Winter blues hit me pretty hard this year but they literally disappear once we are near each other on that couch, just laughing and talking. Love and laughter are amazing drugs.
To all you young couples walking down the aisle soon, or if you have just recently done so, take some advice from an old married lady. Don’t be afraid to be the real you with your spouse. You’ve signed up for the most serious agreement of your life but it should be approached with an open heart and open mind. You will not always get your way and you will both have to compromise (you’ll know it’s a good compromise if neither of you is 100% thrilled with the outcome). You will be vulnerable and raw with each other and that will feel scary and hopeless, but wow – coming back from that and moving forward will only strengthen your bond. Words have meaning – don’t throw them out there if you will regret them. Fight fair but don’t be afraid to argue. Life is not perfect and your marriage isn’t going to be, either. There will be disagreements but don’t push them down and let them simmer to the point of boiling over. You’ve got to communicate what you’re thinking and how you’re feeling or you’ll be dead in the water, right from the start. I cannot state enough how important it is for you both to communicate about your hopes, dreams, expectations, frustrations, excitements, accomplishments etc. You’ve got to talk to each other.
To my groom, (who may or may not read this), thank you. You have been part of nearly all the best moments over the past 10 (actually, 12) years. You love and laugh unconditionally and you sacrifice for our family – that is not unnoticed or unappreciated. You are an absolutely fantastic father to our little girl and a great faith leader for our family. I am excited, yet apprehensive, about the next chapters we are writing, but I know you’ll be right there, ever-present and ever-loving. You will likely never be my best friend but you are second-to-none in the life partner department.
I love you – today, tomorrow, forever. Don’t eat my leftovers, or I’ll karate chop you with a fork. Happy Anniversary, Ninja.